Poop Knife
How to engineer routines for lazy people
Over-engineering.
“What the heck does it have to do with the post title?,” you might ask.
You’ll find out soon.
But first, let me walk you through my “non-negotiable” New Year routines — wellness routines, in particular.
I’ve been having inspiring discussions on Substack Notes with some folks regarding routines, which is what motivated me to write this post.
I’ve always been a stickler for routines, but more often than not, my mind would talk me out of it — Yes, I’m an NLP-trained coach, and I’m not ashamed to look you in the eye and admit it.
“Routines are boring, I need variety to spice it up”, is what Guru 1.0 used to tell himself.
Turns out, variety is as good as the relief I’d get from an itch.
I’d fail → feel miserable for a while → restart with renewed motivation → fail again
This cycle would go on and on.
I did that for years, until one fine day, out of sheer frustration, I accidentally did some things that surprisingly made me STICK to my routines on autopilot.
If I were to sum it up in one sentence…
It was nothing more than a simple plan to predict and catch my failures.
I can predict my failures really well when it comes to my routines because I truly know the kind of lazy ass I am.
Guru 1.0 was much worse.
He’d remote-start his car THRICE until all the snow begged for forgiveness and melted away — he wouldn’t step out to clear the snow if his life depended on it.
So, I knew very well where I’d slack.
I’d baby sit myself to make sure the rule-breaker in me stays in line.
And I should say, it’s worked out really well so far.
Let me share my “idiot’s guide” to fool-proofing some of my “non-negotiable” routines.
To keep it simple, and in the best interest of not making you snore, I’m sharing just three examples.
If it strikes a chord, I’ll let you dance with your imagination on how you can do the same in other areas of your life as it makes sense.
Yoga
My “designated meditation spot” is in my family room upstairs.
There are days when I’d hold my pee and lay in bed until my bladder explodes — that’s how hard it’d be to get out of bed.
I already told you my family room is in a parallel universe.
Climb the stairs vs Climb on my bed?
Bed wins.
On such days, my Plan B:
Keep a yoga mat half way between my bedroom and living room — closer to the toilet.
So, right after I flush, I can crash onto my Yoga mat instead of embarking on a space travel to my family room.
And once I’m on my Yoga mat, I’m ready to reach for the stars — all of a sudden, like magic, I get all the motivation I need to continue my practice!
Gym
I live in a country where it’s not uncommon to see icicles on trees.
Yes, you guessed it right — I’m a Canadian, but contrary to popular belief, I don’t live in igloos.
On days when the wind chill feels colder than the coldest day in Mars…
Even if you lured me with a million dollars…
I’d refuse to slip out of my dirty robe, change into gym clothes, and head to the gym.
It’s easier to travel to the moon and back.
On such days, my Plan B:
Keep a pair of dumbbells in my office room.
Only downside:
When my folks see me working out in my dirty robe, they think I look like a drunk Yoda.
Upside:
The pleasure I get from my accomplishment is priceless.
KISS Framework for Healthy Eating
I avoid the dreaded 3-word question that puts families into paralysis:
“What to cook?”
That’s a self-defeating question that will set me up for failure, guaranteed.
I try and keep my nutrition simple — KISS — Keep. It. Stupid. Simple.
I don’t obsess over recipes and meal plans, or binge on YouTube cooking videos.
Being a vegetarian, I have limited protein options anyway, and they’re a standard set of raw materials:
Fibre: Readymade salads
Protein: Eggs, Tofu, Edamame, Greek Yogurt, Protein Milk/Vegan Powder
Fat: Go nuts over nuts
Carbs (if I haven’t burped yet): Fruit or ANY leftover Indian food (100% pure carbs)
Here’s the WORLD’s EASIEST and FASTEST meal prep tip:
Roll a dice. Pick a combination from above. Assemble. Eat.
To ensure I don’t disappoint my blood glucose monitor, I MUST stack my food in the same order mentioned above.
This will ensure my monitor doesn’t scream, “GLUCOSE GOING HIGH, HIGH, HIGH!”
Thanks to Costco — where I can buy EVERYTHING I need AND DON’T need — all under one roof.
How else do you think I can hit my 10,000 steps target (per week, not per day!)?
Journaling
Same idea.
Plan for my forgetfulness and laziness.
A notebook and pen by my bedside.
Another notebook and pen in my home office.
Another set on the coffee table.
One more in the shower, secured in a zip lock bag — okay, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
On to the much anticipated “Poop Knife” part…
A Reddit user posted about his family’s “poop knife” - an actual knife they kept in the bathroom to break up stools too large to flush.
Every house got a designated poop knife drawer.
He lived 30+ years thinking every family had one.
Turns out, nobody else on Earth keeps a poop knife in their bathroom.
The thread got 50,000 comments from people horrified that this man had engineered an elaborate solution to a problem that didn’t require engineering.
Sometimes your perfectly engineered system is solving a problem that doesn’t need that level of complexity.
Maybe you don’t need a 47-step morning routine, a colour coded spreadsheet tracking every habit, or a punishment protocol for when you slip.
Maybe you just need to be kinder to yourself when things don’t go perfectly.
You guessed it…on to the preachy part…
If there’s ONE thing I want you take away from this post, it is this:
The hardest part is GETTING STARTED — that’s where 99% of your effort goes.
Don’t plan for success — plan to ACCOMMODATE your laziness, which is the biggest obstacle to achieving what you desire.
Motivation will only take you so far, and to err is human.
What’s more human is to ACCEPT that you’d err more often than not — and be compassionate to yourself.
It’s okay if you skip a gym day.
It’s okay if you doze off on your yoga mat.
It’s okay if your protein scoop was 0.000001% less than your daily goal — or you chose a tub of ice-cream instead.
What matters in the end is you’re HAPPY.
Not “I’ll be happy after I achieve my goals” happy.
“I’m happy first — nothing else matters as much” happy.
None of your goals make sense if being HAPPY is not your #1 goal — regardless of whether you have any other goals.
Take it easy.
I wish you only the very best 👊
If this made you reflect on your own life, share it. I spend a lot of time creating these posts. If it at least brought a smile, hit like and show the algo some love ❤️ My work with Germinate is to forge unshakeable mental fitness 💪 for 1 million high-achievers, so they don’t suffer their own success.
About Me
Addiction. Mental noise. Self-doubts. I help high-achievers stop the loop controlling their life. I’m an NLP-trained coach. You’re just ONE conversation away from — breaking the loop, clearing your mind, and taking back control. Meet me for coffee ☕️
